1.07.2012

resolved.

In the same way that I love lists and am slightly crazy about setting goals, I'm also a pretty big fan of New Year's resolutions.  A built-in time of the year for self-reflection, for taking a step back and assessing what's working and what isn't?  Yes please and thank you!  (Really, you should know by now that I live for this stuff.)

But this year, in the midst of all this reflection and goal-setting, I'm still trying to remember who I am: someone who often has unrealistic expectations for herself.  Someone who frequently sets herself up for failure by requiring impossibilities.  Someone who makes grand pronouncements and ends up feeling bad/disappointed/ashamed when she can't follow through.  (Also: someone who talks about herself in the third person, apparently.) 

In any case, I've been thinking a lot about how there's a balance involved, between pushing myself to be better and pushing myself to exhaustion.  With that in mind, I'm trying something new this year.

I'm not telling my resolutions.



There are three major things I want to do this year, all of them entirely achievable.  I'm going to work hard to usher them to completion, and believe me, if that happens - you'll know.  By the dancing and drunkenness, if nothing else, heh.

But I don't want to say my resolutions out loud.  Words have permanence, they should mean something, and if I resolve to do a thing - if it's said, if it's written - then I will inevitably have GUILT if I can't make it happen.  And y'know, I'm just so tired of motivating myself with guilt.  It's exhausting and it turns things I enjoy into obligations.  I want to work toward my goals because they're good for me and they make my life better and because I truly believe it's worth it to put the work in - not because I'll feel like a jerk if I don't. 

That may be a small distinction, but it's an important one, I think.

So that's that for my resolutions.  (And no, they're not anything dramatic or thrilling, don't let the secrecy fool you.  They're really quite ordinary, probably shared by half the population.  But these, these particular ones, are mine.  So I'm secreting them away until next year.)

As for this lil' blog and all the hopes I have for her in the coming year: stay tuned.  I hope to start posting more regularly, though I have to admit I'm intrigued by the slow blogging movement (well, not necessarily every word of that manifesto, exactly, but the idea behind it) and that seems to be the way my blog-style is headed.  I don't have much desire to fill the internet up with more crap, in other words.  So I plan to blog when I feel I have something of worth to say, and my hope is that I'll be more conscious about unearthing those things of worth in the first place.

And how is the new year treating you all so far?  Any resolutions you won't feel guilty about sharing?

2 comments:

  1. My resolution is usually not to make any resolutions, if just so I can break it right at the start and get it over with.

    And I really like your view on not making your resolutions into obligations. At times I’ve caught myself grudging how I got to work on a project, and then I’m like, “Wait a second, this is a choice – something you enjoy. So enjoy it, dammit!”

    And guilt is a huge thing to take off your shoulders. As someone once told me, “Don’t should on yourself.”

    Have a great year!

    ReplyDelete
  2. In one of those strange "is the universe trying to tell me something?" moments, I stumbled across this quote today (and I wasn't even looking for anything on the subject!):

    "All this advice from senior writers to establish a discipline—always to get down a thousand words a day whatever one’s mood—I find an absurdly puritanical and impractical approach. Write, if you must, because you feel like writing, never because you ought to write.

    JOHN FOWLES"

    I'm still not sure how I feel about that, because discipline is important too - otherwise I might never get anything done, because I might never "feel" like it. Then again, if I'm not enjoying it, what's the point, right?

    And ha, I love your idea of resolving not to make resolutions. Gets the worry of failure out of the way for sure! :)

    ReplyDelete