I'm a pretty anxious person in general. Like a lot of things I guess, anxiety is about control, and the fear of not having it. In my case, I have a pretty constant apprehension about things that are out of my control. The stuff that hasn't happened yet. The things that I don't get to decide.
I worry about the Yellowstone Caldera. I worry about cancer. I worry about global warming and terrorist attacks and whether gay marriage will ever finally be legalized and kids like Treyvon Martin and house fires and glass ceilings and whether the world will be completely screwed up for my children. If I thought too hard about things, I'd never leave the house. And sometimes I don't.
Anxiety is living in the future. There is a Buddhist saying: "The past is past and the future does not exist." I realize that I expend an enormous amount of energy ruminating on and coming up with a contingency plan for a future that does not exist. The truth is, even if I covered every possible outcome, it wouldn't help. If someone I love dies, no amount of sadness before-the-fact will make it any less devastating. You can't pre-shed your tears.
So today I'm working on releasing that anxiety. Letting go of that fear. Putting myself firmly in the present, where I belong.
Note to self: stick around. Things are pretty damn good here.
One month. 26 posts. A to Z. (Don't know what I'm talking about? Check out the Challenge here.)