opening wide the doors

Well.  It's official. 

Not writing is definitely worse than writing.

I've given myself permission not to stress about all the Not Writing I've been doing lately, seeing as how I'm currently spending most of my free time dealing with mortgage brokers and whatnot.  I'm also taking 8 hours/week of (required for life-things, but non-writing-related) classes during the evenings this month, which is basically all my writing time.

But giving myself permission not to stress doesn't mean I'm not missing it.  And yeah, I'm sure I could eek out a paragraph or two here and there, but that's not really my style.  I'm kind of all-or-nothing when it comes to committing to a WIP.  Plus, I know those paragraphs would (a) suck, because I won't have given myself enough time to get back into the story, and (b) make me miss working on it that much more.  Like taking a bite of dessert and then pushing your plate away - not so much me.

Me: A Metaphor

But!  I had an idea last night, as I was tossing and turning and wishing for more hours in the day and wondering why my brain was refusing to take advantage of the ones I managed to set aside for sleeping.  Why not work on something else?  Something short and silly, something that can be set aside for days or weeks at a time, something that can be worked on in small pieces because I'm not expecting it to actually go anywhere?

Do you know how long it has been since I've let myself write something like that?  Answer: so very, very long.  And that's possibly a sign that I've been taking myself and my writing a leeetle too seriously. 

So, instead of continuing the wah wahhhh of Not Writing sadness, I'm going to use this time to play.  I'm going to indulge the scenes that have no place in any actual story in my brain.  I'm going to write a ghost story for some of my favorite little boys.  Maybe I'll try flash fiction.  Maybe I'll write hundreds of little sentences that don't fit anywhere but just sound pretty.

I'm opening wide the doors.  And I'm kind of looking forward to discovering what walks out.

And one more thing before I sidle off: I just want to acknowledge that I have been an awful, awful blog commenter lately.  As in, I've basically completely disappeared.  I think I've sufficiently addressed the why, but I did want to just say for the record that I am reading!  Just failing epically on the commenting front, for which I'm quite sorry.  I look forward to life settling down a bit - hitting the ebb to this flow.  In the meantime, please mentally append this comment to all of your posts: "Hi!  I'm here!  I miss you!  Great post!  I think you're brilliant!" 

Because I do.